My Insecurities No Longer Have A Hold On Me6 min read
Synopsis: Listen to Wen Jun’s story as she shares how she overcame her insecurities and found her security in God! This life story was aired during our Easter 2020 online services.
Hey everyone, I’m Wen Jun! I’m here to share my story and I hope it will encourage you. I used to be unhappy and had horrible relationships, but God changed all of that!
Growing up, there was one thing I LOVED a lot – dance! Every week, I practised for up to 20 hours…my legs would be aching, I had bruises on my body, and I didn’t mind at all! Eventually, I became the vice-president of the dance club in school! But I started to base my self-esteem on how well I danced. I was so afraid that people would judge me if I made mistakes. Once, in the middle of a dance practice, I just couldn’t nail a move. I tried so hard not to cry…I felt so lousy. As the instructor kept correcting me in front of others, I was very stressed…I was so afraid that people think I’m good enough to be the Vice-President.
While dancers may look elegant and graceful… I was far from that. I was rude and hot-tempered, especially at home. The worst fight I had with my mum was over the lamest reason – when she asked me to take a shower and I didn’t want to. It blew up, and we started yelling. Because of me, home was not a peaceful place. Also, my sister Yu Jun and I were the worst of siblings – we never talked. My parents loved us both so much. But I was childish, kept comparing and got jealous over the smallest things. I was so bitter towards Yu Jun that I slipped hate notes into her pencil case, like “Go and die” and “You’re the worst sister ever.” I cannot imagine my sister’s reaction when she opened her pencil case! Yes… that was how unhappy I was as a person.
Then a few years later, I found out that my sister was going to church! She suddenly became more cheerful and started talking to me a lot more. On my birthday, she even gave me a jewellery box – the first present I had ever received from her! After that, she invited me to Heart of God Church for a Christmas service. The moment she told me there was going to be a dance production, I said YES! So I came to church, and I loved it! I was so curious about the peace and warmth that I felt. Then, that night in our room, Yu Jun shared a verse from the Bible, John 3:16 with me. She shared with me that Jesus really loves me. She also shared that beyond all the achievements I could have, God has a greater purpose for me! I was so touched… I really wanted to know God! Then, Yu Jun asked me, “Wen Jun, do you want Jesus in your heart?” I kept nodding my head, and right there in our bedroom, I prayed with my sister and became a Christian!
Well, my insecurities didn’t go away overnight…But what was different was that I could pour my heart out to God! I love that Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship with Jesus. Whenever I felt down, I would talk to God. Once, as I did, an image came to my mind… It was a father and child, holding hands, walking down a path. I felt God speaking to my heart saying, “I’ll always be with you in this journey”. I couldn’t stop tearing…I was so assured that in every season, God is with me!
I also felt God’s love through my Pastors and the people in church. Once, it was a normal day, it wasn’t even my birthday. But Pastor How and Pastor Lia passed me a gift, and it was this bag! More than the gift, they would constantly encourage me. Recently, I shared with them my dreams, and they affirmed me. They told me they believed in my dreams! I left the conversation full of faith to dream big and keep going.
With God’s love in my heart, I realised I didn’t need achievements to be valued. So, instead of dancing to gain approval, I wanted to use my skills for others! That’s why I joined the dance ministry in church, and we dance for church services! After dancing in a service, I love seeing people respond to having a relationship with Jesus. I also love that we don’t just dance for ourselves to look good, but for a greater purpose – to bring God’s love to people!
As God filled my heart with love, it overflowed into my relationship with Yu Jun. I realised we are both unique in God’s eyes – there was no need to compare and compete. From being arch-enemies, Yu Jun and I are now great friends. We would run together, eat supper together, and even cook together! Well, okay – it’s mostly her cooking and me washing the dishes! God didn’t just heal my heart, He healed the relationship I had with my sister! And soon after, a miracle happened. My mum used to turn away whenever we talked about God or church. But when she saw how I was more patient and became so close to Yu Jun, her heart began to soften. Once when she was facing a tough time and work, she asked us to pray for her. Soon she followed us to church for Easter… She was so moved, that day, she became a Christian! At home, we also have a common topic. One of our favourite topics is about church, and our friends in church! Now, there is no more tension. Our home is filled with peace, warmth, love and lots of laughter. God’s love came into my family and restored our broken relationships.
Before I end this, I just want to thank God for transforming my life. With God, all my insecurities no longer have a hold on me…Every day, I can choose FAITH over fear! Also, for my sister and I, we are no longer two strangers living under the same roof. My relationships are restored, and most importantly, I’ve a relationship with God! Friends, maybe you’re going through a difficult season…I want to encourage you – make a decision to trust God! He loves you. Give Him a chance to enter your heart this Easter! Thank you!